


Levi Heichou vs. The World

by joonohon



Category: Scott Pilgrim (Comics), Scott Pilgrim - All Media Types, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Band Fic, Catholic Petra, More dumb things to be added, Multi, Nonbinary Hanji, Sassy Eren, Scott Pilgrim AU, Sortof, bisexual Levi (hell yeahaha), dorky Levi, gender fluid eren (fuck yayayayashhah)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 18:42:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2662406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joonohon/pseuds/joonohon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is hopelessly in love with Eren Jaeger, the new kid in town. He's witty, funny, sexy, and perfect in every way. Even better, the attraction seems to be mutual.</p><p>However, in order for Levi to be able to say he's dating Eren, he must defeat all seven of Eren's evil ex boyfriends. </p><p>Things aren't going to be as easy as they seem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Levi Heichou vs. The World

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! I know I haven't updated in a while (kicks From Eden and LtHYW to the side) but I started a writing schedule that will hopefully keep me on track. 
> 
> This is basically Scott Pilgrim (the comics, not the movie) but with Levi and Eren. I originally thought that Scott would fit Eren, but Levi would NEVER date who I picked for the seven exes, lol.
> 
> WARNING: please please PLEASE don't post any Scott Pilgrim spoilers. I'm only on volume 4 of 6, and want to experience it for myself. Thanks so much
> 
> ANOTHER WARNING: I'm using Levi's real last name, the Heichou part was only for the title. So, if you don't know what it is then. Sucks I guess
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

\--

"Levi Ackerman is dating a high schooler!"

"What does that even mean?"

Levi smirked as he served himself tea in a mug. He turned to his friends, all gaping at him in shock. Well, at least Farlan looked shocked. Isabel looked more disgusted than anything. And Moblit? He just looked confused. Nothing new there. 

He enjoyed their reactions for a few seconds before he answered them, turning around and sitting at the head of the dining room table. 

"It means exactly that. I have a girlfriend. In high school…" He sipped from his mug, glancing at Isabel as she narrowed her eyes at him. "What?"

"How old are you? Like, 30? You haven't so much as stepped foot into a high school in about twelve years, and now-"

"I'm twenty two!", he shouted in retaliation, his eyes wide.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You're super old. What is she, like, fifteen?" 

Levi couldn't believe her. "Ok, what kind of a creeper do you take me for? I thought you trusted me. She's seventeen, for your information." he spat, voice full of incredulity. "And besides, why don't you go shit-"

"Is she hot?" Farlan asked, cutting in before the two could jump across the table again. "What's her name?"

"Have you kissed?" Moblit questioned tentatively.

Levi leaned back in his chair, putting his arms behind his head. "Well I think she's pretty hot. We haven't really done anything yet... I just met her the other day and she gets embarrassed easily so I don't push her. I actually met her on the bus. She talks to me about the soccer team and newspaper club and all that crap."

"So what's her name?" Farlan repeated, his question going unanswered. He rested his arms on the table and looked at Levi expectantly.

"Petra. Petra Ral. She's from Hungary. Really obscure, if you ask me! Just the thing I needed, too." He claimed, spreading his arms around in a haughty manner. "There are too many French chicks here." 

"Levi, what did you expect?" Isabel shot. "We live in CANADA. Toronto, to be exact. That's kind of hypocritical considering your French, too."

"Okay are you going to listen to my story, or do I have to argue with you about my roots?" Levi glared at her until she sighed and looked away. Humph. That's right. Look out the fucking window. "Anyways I believe I mentioned the bus..."

\--

"Auro is nice boy. You like him!"

"Mother, please stop! I don't need to have a boyfriend if I don't want to!" She yelped, her arms tightening around herself and some grocery bags. Her mother huffed in annoyance, and moved to mess with her hair.

The girl sighed in exasperation as her mother fussed over her strawberry blonde hair. She wasn't all that, but even Levi could admit that she was cute in her own way. Her big brown eyes widened when she swatted her mom's hand away and all of the bags in her arms tumbled to the floor. She groaned loudly and dropped to her knees, gathering a few in her hands. Levi quickly leaned over and handed some to her. 

"Here you go."

The girl gasped and looked up at him, blushing lightly. "Thanks." Ok, that was pretty cute, he thought.

"Don't worry about it."

\--

"And that's how we met."

"Wait a second. You met her on the bus, and her mom was there?" Farlan shook his head slowly, closing his eyes and slumping back into his chair. "Levi, I know you pretty well, but this is a new low."

"Wait, so that's it? That's the end of the story? Seriously?" Isabel said softly.

Levi gave her a look. "Yes." How unsupportive. 

Fucking douches.

\---

"So before anyone goes around spreading shit, yes, I am dating a 17-year-old. Don't start with that look, Shitty-Glasses, I know what you're thinking, and I'm in complete control of the situation." Levi hung up his coat and headed to the bathroom. How he managed to break a sweat every time he walked from Farlan's house to his shared Hobbit-hole with Hanji in the middle of winter will always be a mystery to him.

They looked up from the magazine they were reading and raised an eyebrow. "Is he cute?"

"Ha ha, so hilarious.” He rolled his eyes. “ and that was one time, you shitstain. And yes, SHE is cute."

Hanji snickered from the recliner they were sitting on. "Does this mean we have to stop sleeping together?" They shouted to the bathroom, where Levi was now splashing his face. 

"Do you see another bed in here?" Levi snapped.

"Do you see anything that's yours in here?" They retaliated.

Levi popped his head out and skimmed the room, accounting for all the items and who they belonged to. Futon? Hanji's. Lamp? Hanji's. Recliner? Hanji's. Rug? Hanji's. Kitchen in its entirety? Hanji's. Television? Hanji's. Everything on the shelves? Probably Hanji's. Computer? Hanji's. Levi looked down at his feet. Even the socks were Hanji's. Jesus fuck. The only things that were his were the assorted band posters on the walls and the pile of shoes next to the entrance. Oh, and half of the clothes in the closet. Thanks for the reality check, Shitty Glasses. Not only was Levi jobless. No. He was jobless and wearing Hanji's clothing. Farlan was wrong. THIS was a new low for him.

He leveled his gaze onto Hanji, and stared at them for a few seconds. When they started staring back, he flipped them off and quickly slammed the bathroom door shut, hearing booming laughter through the cheap wood. 

"You might be my best friend, but. You're totally my bitch forever, Levi."

\--

"You have to promise to behave."

"Yeah, of course! Why wouldn't I?"

Levi sighed in mock annoyance. This girl just didn't get it. He looked at Petra again, and repeated himself. "Really. You have to be good. Promise me." He was teasing, but this girl was so uptight she didn't even understand the joke. He tried again. "Be good, ok?"

"Am I not good normally? I'll be good, I promise!" She said worriedly.

"You promise?" Levi urged. He thought it was a bit mean, but it was fun to mess with her. Was she playing along?

"Yes. I'll be very good."

Nah. She looked too serious. She just didn't get it.

"What the hell are you making this girl say, Levi?" Farlan demanded as he finally opened the door. Took him fucking long enough.

"Hey to you too, asshat. This is Petra Ral." He said, gesturing to the girl beside him. "Petra, this is Farlan. He's a dumbass with nice hair." He turned back on said dumbass. "Can we come in now? It's cold, and I'm freezing my nips off." Petra blushed, still not used to Levi's crass language.

Farlan narrowed his eyes. "Yeah. Go ahead. Nice to meet you."

Petra lingered for a moment, looking at Farlan desperately. He gave her a confused look. "You know," he started, "he may have been joking around. He’s messing with you. Are you normally bad?" 

She shook her head. "I don't think so..." She trailed off, quickly scampering inside after Levi. Farlan sighed and closed the door behind them. Levi took off his coat and folded it neatly, placing it on the couch in the middle of the room. "Hey Isabel, this is Petra. Petra, you can go ahead and put your coat next to mine." He waved towards the couch and quickly headed over to Isabel, who handed him his bass. He tuned it (as best as he could), and plugged it in as Moblit walked in.

"Oh yeah. Petra, Moblit. How's it going, Moblit?" He nodded at the other, quickly returning his gaze to his bass. Moblit nodded back and sat with Petra. Moblit wasn't in the band, and didn't even play any instruments, but it was his house, too. He roomed with Farlan, and he wasn't half bad. Shy, but not bad. 

"Ok," Levi started, clapping his hands together. "Let's start with ‘You're A Fucking Brat’. And yes, Farlan, I know that's not the actual name of the song. But it has a nice ring to it." Farlan just sighed, adjusting his guitar and nodded at Isabel to count them off. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath.

"WE ARE FREEDOM PISTOL! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!"

The sound was instant. All three played their instruments loudly and swiftly. Levi didn't really pay attention to anything, and just numbly fingered the strings. This particular song was about cheating, and it was a quick one. Just when Levi was about to stop, the lyrics hitting close to home, and the song was over. Farlan was already bashing Isabel for playing the drums too fast, to which she flipped him off. Levi tried to ignore the almost worshipping look Petra was giving him, and just passed it off as awe. She had probably never heard rock before.

"Let's go again." Isabel said, and they ran it through. It didn't make the feeling in his chest any better, but it was nice to lose himself in the deep twangs of the bass. 

\--

"You guys were amazing..."

Levi didn't comment as Petra walked in front of him. He was taking her to the bus stop, and she was still reeling over their practice. She kept repeating "amazing", and it was flattering at first. He was glad to see the bus already there, wanting to escape the awkward tension she was creating.

"I'll. Uh. I'll pick you up after school, ok? We can just hang out or something." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, watching her board the bus. She looked out the window and it drove away, and Levi gave a half-assed wave in return to her enthusiastic one. He wasn't sure why, but that feeling was still there. He couldn't quite name it, either. It was a bit unsettling. He stared at the dark street in front of him, trying to put it together.

After a bit, he shrugged, and started walking back towards Farlan's house. It was probably nothing, anyways.

\--

RIIING  
RIIING  
RIIIIIING  
RIIIIIIIIIING  
Click

"Hello?" Levi grumbled, as he held the landline to his ear. Who the fuck was calling him at whatever ungodly hour it was at the moment? "What the hell do you want?"

"Levi. Are you kidding me? Did you just wake up?"

"Yes, I did, dear sister, not all of us are up in the middle of the night making protein shakes."

"Levi, it’s twelve thirty."

"In that case, I've been awake for a several hours now.”

"Yeah sure.” She said sarcastically “Care to explain why you're dating some fifteen-year-old? That's a new low for you." 

"What the hell, Mikasa?" Levi bolted upright in the futon, reaching over to turn on the lamp. "She's not fifteen, you hoe. She's seventeen, and who the fuck told you? You don't call me all that often, you know. And when you do, it's with some dirt you wanna clear up."

"Wow, ok. Thanks for that. Also, Hanji told me." There was arrogance in her voice. Levi wanted to physically rip it out from this side of the phone.

"That gossipy BITCH!" Levi was really pissed now. Glasses was definitely gonna fucking get it now. 

"Ok whatever! You should've known Hanji would say something. But besides that, who is this mystery child?" 

"Her name is Petra," Levi sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, scrubbing the undercut at his nape. "Petra Ral... She's pretty cool. She goes to some Catholic school."

"I cannot believe you, a little Catholic school girl. What the hell were you thinking? She wears the uniform, too, doesn't she?" Oh, wasn't Levi asking himself the same question. 

"Yes, she does actually. Like I give a shit. And don't even ask any weird questions; she's hugged me maybe one. She's just really shy."

"Levi. Why. Why are you doing this?" She actually sounded concerned, and Levi considered answering her. Instead, he just looked off to the side and stayed quiet. There was silence from his sister's end as well, and after a bit, breathed heavily. Then, she spoke up.

"Look, I know it's been over a year, but you need to tell me. Is this some crazy way of getting over it, or are you actually moving on?"

"Damn it Mika, I... I don't know, ok? It's simple. It's easy. I….." Another deep breath, but this time it was from Levi. "I'll let you know, ok?" When he heard nothing else, he said a quick goodbye, and hung up. Turning off the lamp, he swung the covers over himself and burrowed into his pillow. 

You are ridiculous, Levi Ackerman.

\--

"Are you accusing me of using her? What the crap. Have you been talking to Isabel?" Levi grumbled, walking briskly with Hanji to Petra's school. What a bitch. Fucking jerkoff. What the hell. Pffft.

"No! Not at all.” they assured, waving their arms in alarm. "It's just. This isn't really normal for you, ya know?" What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Levi snorted. Normal? Since when was anything he did normal? If there was anything, someone needed to tell him immediately. He didn't want to be the norm. Fuck the norm. 

".... Nothing." They brought the edge of their scarf above their mouth and nose, and continued walking, Levi staying silent and keeping up with them until he saw the walls of the Catholic school. The school day has just ended, and a bunch of teenagers were scrambling into the street and milling around. Levi tried to sink further into his coat. He probably looked like a fucking creeper just standing there, and he shuffled his feet impatiently. Hanji just snickers. Right when Levi is about to pull out his phone, he finally heard someone calling his name.

"Levi! Hey!"

He turns around to see Petra running towards him. Who he assumes to be her group of friends watches them, and they all giggle dumbly. Fucking teenagers. 

"Hey, Petra." He looks over at Hanji. "This is my genderqueer, really nerdy roommate, Hanji Zöe."

Petra smiles and offers a hand. "Hello, Hanji! It's nice to meet you. What pronouns do you use?" Levi raises his eyebrows. Well, this is a first. Not everybody was so accepting of Hanji's gender or had any knowledge of what being genderqueer even meant, but this girl was showing some promise. 

Hanji beamed, and took Petra's hand, pulling her into a tight hug. "Aw, aren't you the sweetest! They, them, please, thanks for asking!" When they let go, Petra laughed nervously. Levi took that as his cue and waved both of his arms towards Hanji.

"Now shoo. Go. Leave us be. Adios. Sayonara. Au revoire." He pointed in the general direction of the apartment and gave Hanji an expectant look. "Your destination awaits."

They gaped at him, looking offended. "What? This sucks. You suck. Wow." They looked back to Petra and sighed. "You're too good for him, dear!" They quickly turned away before Levi could comment, and waved once as they walked down the street.

Now that they were alone, Levi and Petra looked at each other. After a moment of silence, Petra piped up. "Um, how about we get pizza? I'm pretty hungry."

Levi nodded quickly and started towards the local pizza place, and Petra latched onto his arm. He stiffened, but forced himself to relax as the crossed the street. Along the way, Petra told him of her classmates and their typical high school drama. 

"So, Gunther and Erd are best friends, but both of them like this girl named Mary. But Mary only likes Erd, and everyone thinks she likes Auro."

"But I thought Mary and Auro did like each other."

"Yeah, but Auro is too shy to do anything about it."

"Oh."

They stepped inside, ordered their pizzas, and left quickly, choosing to eat and walk at the same time. Levi scanned the stores, and found a Goodwill. He jerked a thumb towards it. "Wanna head over to Goodwill?" 

Petra shrugged hesitantly. "Uh, sure. I've never been there before." Of course not. She was probably really rich and only shopper at retail stores or something.

"It's not half bad. I mean, most of the stuff is pretty bad, but in a weird hand me down way, not the stupid way." They headed towards the store, and walked through the doors.

Petra just looked confused now. She eyed the racks apprehensively, and slowly started liking through them. "So," she started. "Your band. It's pretty good."

Levi shrugged. "Thanks, I guess. We have a long way to go. Besides, it's not really my band. It's mostly Farlan's thing. He started it, and Isabel and I just joined in."

"Oh, that's cool, too. Whoever's band it is, I really like it. I don't really listen to much besides classical and, well. You guys rock. No pun intended." She picked out a polka dotted skirt and smiled at Levi shyly. 

He blinked for a moment, and smiled softly at her. "Well, thanks."

"I've never even gone out with someone who could play an instrument AND sing, you know? It's pretty nice." She went back to the racks, a light blush on her cheeks. Cute, Levi thought. But that made him wonder.

"Have you gone out with a lot of guys, before?" He asked, a bit wary of her answer.

She looked at him dumbly for a moment, before smiling widely and laughing. "Nope!"

He huffed out a little chuckle. That was a bit relieving. 

\--

"You know, I've never even kissed a guy before." Petra blurted as they headed towards the bus stop. "I just never found a reason to."

Levi wasn't surprised, for some reason. Petra was looking at him, however, and he guessed that she expected an answer. "Me neither." He lied, wanting her to stop.

She laughed. "Good to know." She hummed and looked towards the row of houses they were walking next to. However, she stopped when she realized Levi wasn't following. He was looking at one house in particular, with red and brown bricks and a tall tree in front. "What's wrong, Levi?"

He shook his head, his mind full of old memories. "This was my house in high school. My parents sold it when I moved out." When he ended it. With him. Levi swallowed loudly and turned away from the house, continuing towards the bus stop.

"Oh." Petra sounded at a loss for words, and slightly disappointed. Not that Levi cared.

"Let's just. Uh. Let's just go to the stop."

He kept going when he heard Petra's footsteps behind him, not looking back at her the entire walk there.

\--

"Oh God."

Levi trudged towards the cactus, trying to reach the shade underneath it in the scorching desert. It was so close, but he couldn't quite make it there. Accepting defeat, he cropped to his knees, grabbing his hair and tugging at it.

"Oh God, I'm so alone."

He curled in on himself, and prayed that the buzzards wouldn't get to him before he fell asleep. 

"Oh God..."

He closed his eyes and breathed out harshly, the air coming out ragged and shaky. 

"I'm so-"

"Oh, please. Just shut up already."

He looked up quickly, the voice right in front of him. What he saw confused him even more.

The boy wasn't really young, and looked his age, to be honest. But fuck, did he have a lovely jawline. He was wearing a leather jacket and fluorescent teal jeans; the kind that can make you avert your eyes from the sheer brightness of them. His hands were on his hips, and across his torso hung a bag in the shape of overlapped wings. Like some harajuku shit. Not that Levi knew what that was. 

The boy's goggles were black, too, and his hair was a dark brown. It looked really soft, too. The strangest thing about him, however, were his shoes. Or, really the fact he wasn’t wearing shoes. He was wearing rollerblades. Who the hell wore rollerblades in the middle of the desert? Nobody. Nobody except this kid, apparently. Levi was even more confused now, so he asked the most obvious question.

"What the fuck?"

The boy just sighed, turning around and skating away with his hands in his jacket pockets. "You're not alone, dumbass. You're just having some idiotic dream." The boy zipped away, dust flying behind him. Levi coughed and squinted, waving the dust away with his hands.

"I'm dreaming?" He watched as the boy got farther and farther, his hips swinging nicely as he swerved from side to side. A thought came to Levi. "Can we at least make out?"

The last thing Levi saw was the boy turn his head and smirk at him before he opened his eyes and saw the ceiling above him, draped in darkness. He blinked once. Twice. He turned to his side and brought the covers closer around his shoulders.

You are ridiculous, Levi Ackerman. Truly, utterly, ridiculous. He closed his eyes and fell asleep with black rollerblades in his mind.

\--

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so for those of you who have read Scott Pilgrim, yes, I am organizing it the same way the comic is organized. Same chapter titles and everything. Hope you enjoyed, and I'll try to have the next chapter up soon!


End file.
